Fran Fine, be my guide

9 things that turned me out in April, like mainlining clips of 'The Nanny'

It’s been five days, and no combination of potions has been able to stop my nose from running like it’s Jeb Bush in 2016. Do I long for the surgical removal of my sinuses? Absolutely. Did I still write this week’s issue? Hell yeah brother. Will I remember anything I wrote? Depends on the chemical reaction between Benadryl and Mentholatum fumes.

Previously this month, we weighed the pros and cons of hanging out with Parker Posey, made a sacrifice to a Swarovski Minion, recoiled at our own similarity to Megan Draper from “Mad Men,” and took a Pinegrove moment.

Here are nine more things that turned me out in April.

‘Queen of the Deuce’

I’m a picky eater when it comes to documentary profiles. Few thread the needle between hagiography and hit piece. With “Queen of the Deuce,” director Valerie Kontakos probably leans to that rose-colored side; its subject, Chelly Wilson, was a family friend. But I don’t need a tougher interrogation of a Greek Jew who fled the Holocaust and became the lesbian empress of NYC porn theaters in the 1970s. Every 20 minutes, I thought, “She was definitely a mobster, right?” but I was content to rest in the mystery.

You can stream “Queen of the Deuce” on Kanopy.

‘Mid-Century Modern’

We built American society of the bones of Lucy. Watered its fields with the blood of Fonzie. Purified it in the light of Urkel. Yet today, we pay the humble sitcom dust. “Mid-Century Modern,” the new series from the creators of “Will & Grace,” puts some style back into this hallowed institution. The format—multi-cam, laugh track, the works—feels like a chenille throw on a chilly night, but the jokes are sharp, bitchy, and current. It’s “Golden Girls,” but Dorothy is played by Nathan Lane. Goes down smooth, I tell you what.

The first season on “Mid-Century Modern” is streaming on Hulu.

‘Do You Really Love Me?’ by Sam Outlaw

This is the sound of driving somewhere outside of Austin in the summer—probably a place with water, or at least different water than you’re used to—and going to the nearest H-E-B with your friends to get ice and beer, but also a little treat, because you know you’ll want a little treat, so you run from the checkout line to the chip aisle to get a bag of Doritos (Cool Ranch), and you’re wearing your cheap sunglasses indoors and can smell your 70 spf sunblock mixing with the store’s floor cleaner and too-dry pan dulce, and everything is OK.

‘Orlando’

I rewatched Sally Potter’s 1992 dream “Orlando” a couple weeks ago for a story (coming soon to a newsletter near you). It all still sparkles: the sumptuous production design, the gender bending, Tilda Swinton’s unearthly performance, Billy Zane’s romance novel hair. This go-round, I realized how much this thing moves. Centuries pass like tricks of the light. Potter and Swinton never let things get stuffy, always letting out any hot air with a fourth-wall break. It’s an anti-period piece.

You can stream “Orlando” for free on YouTube.

‘Play It as It Lays’

The Grim Reaper in a pair of Ray-Bans. I caught this Joan Didion adaptation at Alamo Drafthouse on a weekend lark, and I’m so glad I did. It is what film scholars call “a vibe.” Tuesday Weld is equal parts peroxide and arsenic as Maria, a clinically depressed actress living (reluctantly) for the drama. Anthony Perkins plays an equally unwell homosexual with a shag haircut and tiny cut-off shorts, which is to say, he’s playing himself. The film’s anarchic editing turns 1970s L.A. into a sun-soaked scream. Feel-bad cinema, but it’s also so cool.

Looks like “Play It as It Lays” isn’t streaming anywhere right now, but you can find it on Internet Archive and such.

Lucky Auntie in ‘Deli Boys’

While I did my taxes, I watched every episode of Abdullah Saeed’s crime comedy “Deli Boys” and looked up from Quickbooks whenever Poorna Jagannathan was on screen. How to distill her performance as Lucky? Drug ring consigliare. Forced to teach her bumbling nephews how to run the game after their kingpin father dies. Foul-mouthed. Maternal. Ruthless. A damn good shot. Give her an Emmy nod.

You can stream the first season of “Deli Boys” on Hulu.

‘What Was That’ by Lorde

If y’all can’t get into Lorde’s nostalgic new single, then I don’t know what you want out of that nice Kiwi lady. I say this as a “Solar Power” defender. We are legion!

The mayor in ‘Hacks’

If I had to pick just one perfect bit so far from the perfect fourth season of “Hacks,” it’d be Lauren Weedman’s return as the mayor of Las Vegas in Episode 3. Bailing Deborah Vance (Jean Smart) out of a traffic stop, the mayor shows up as more gin than woman. She’s a walking (well, waddling) abuse of power in a comfy track suit, slurring her way through some of the show’s best jokes, which is a high bar. Two words that made me lose my shit: “Sorry, typo.”

The fourth season of “Hacks” is currently airing Thursdays on Max.

Dopamine spiraling with clips of ‘The Nanny’

The algorithm has humbled me. I deleted TikTok after the whole “displaying fascist propaganda to every user” oopsie. This would heal my mind, I thought. No more retreating to my bed in the middle of the day to microdose dopamine until I lost an hour of Central Standard Time.

You can’t unbake a potato, I’ve learned. (My brain is the potato.) Now when I can no longer bear to have conscious thoughts, I start swiping through YouTube Shorts. This is humiliating, correct. It started innocently. I’d open the app to watch “Twin Peaks” fan theory videos. Then my finger would wander over …

You must understand: If TikTok is a firehose, then YouTube Shorts is another firehose, but instead of water, it blasts you with poop. The algorithm is a bludgeon. It only learns your behavior like how a parrot learns English. It sees you do one thing, and then it gives you five more of that exact thing, plus 50 AI-generated memes about being a dog mom.

There’s a silver lining. This is how I’ve ended up rewatching “The Nanny” in 30-second spurts over the past few weeks. Hopefully, you don’t need to be convinced that “The Nanny” is one of the finest 1990s sitcoms, and Fran Fine one of the era’s great fashion icons. She had style. She had flair. Crucially, she was there.

I did watch the show growing up, which explains things. But I never appreciated how joke-dense “The Nanny” was. Fran was doing quadruple entendres. She was doing physical comedy. She was teaching those kids how to scam. I find her more inspirational than any U.S. president.

My clip binge has also reintroduced me to the six-season hate-off between butler Niles (Daniel Davis) and scheming Broadway producer C.C. (Lauren Lane). A favorite:

C.C.: I find it very unseemly of Maxwell to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

Niles: Die. Let's find out.

And:

C.C.: I find I can catch more flies with honey.

Niles: I always thought your tongue darted out.

Fran got her licks in, too:

C.C.: Do you know what makes me feel better when I'm sad?

Fran: A fifth of scotch and a pack of batteries?

It just really hits the spot. Remember what I was saying about sitcoms? “Emily in Paris” isn’t doing it like this.

You can watch actual full-size episodes of “The Nanny” on various streaming services.

Outbox

Over at ¡Hola Papi!, JP Brammer rates the discography of Westboro Baptist Church, which is much more fun than it sounds. To wit:

“There’s only one thing about the WBC that really interests me, and it’s their longtime commitment to producing absurdist parodies of pop songs, an extensive body of work with a unique sound that I would characterize as ‘violently homophobic KIDZ BOP recorded in an abandoned mine shaft.’”

Read it here.

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As someone who gazes longingly at pictures of malls from 1999, I enjoyed this Mindbox post about why time felt slower when we were kids. Read it here.

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